OMG - I've turned veggie!

It's veggie time! Once again, I find that it has been way too long since I have written. Oh my keyboard - how I have missed you! There is something so freeing about the written word, which is a little weird when you think about it, because somehow you are bound forever. It's not like i can deny what has been said. Pull up a post and "gotcha!" there it is! But it is my journey and I write (so far) without any regrets.

Speaking of my journey (and really I need a better word. "Journey" is kind of a turn off for me. If you have a recommendation, I'd love to hear it), it has been going well. Shopping, cooking, eating out, eating in general, have all gotten easier. I'm starting to get this veggie thing down. So much to learn still but I am comfortable so far with where I'm at. I haven't lost any more weight, just my ten, but my body feels so much better. Like literally, I can rub my hands all over me and that buddha belly does not have so much buddha in it anymore. yes! I had to go out and buy three new pairs of jeans because my other jeans weren't fitting so well. My hubby really likes my butt. It's not great when my jeans sag off so much it looks like I pooed myself. SEXY! So, I bought the new jeans and guess what? Lost 2 inches in my waist. bye-bye buddha! hellooooo - hubby grabbing my ass! love it!

I recently ate for the first time at a veggie/ vegan restaurant. It was awesome!! I loved not having to wonder what was in the food, instead making my choice solely on what appealed to me. As my good fortune would have it, everyone shared so I got to taste a little of everything. Some of it was ok (sushi), some of it was awesome (orange chicken - mama like!) and some was a big, fat tofu PASS!!! But now I know and it makes me happy. :) I will eat here again. Thanks K.

The only struggle I seem to have nowadays are other people's attitudes. i know, shocking right? It of course, can never be my attitude that's bad. But seriously, it's not me! It is amazing to me how the word "vegetarian" brings such a strong response from a non-vegetariian. And don't even say the word "vegan." They either think you called them a name or you're speaking alien. Actually, go ahead and say it. Then laugh at the confusion. Uh, whatis that?? (ok, not nice)
Seriously though, I promise, I have never tried to shove a carrot, zucchini, tomato, squash, cucumber, soybean, potato or tofu, down any one's throat. However, the personal offense some seem to take to my eating habits can stun me speechless. (another shocker) Just for beans and tortillas, let me write a few of my favorites. (oh, and any names will be changed to protect the Well-Meaning Ignorant and Judgemental A-hole alike). Yes, I am a respectable veggie. ;)

1. Mr. Smith - "What? What do you mean you are vegetarian now? Shannon, Shannon, look at my teeth. See these right here? (yes, his mouth is open, upper lip pulled back, and pointing at the two front "fang" teeth) What do you think these are for? EATING MEAT, that's what they are for!" This comment/ question actually came from a well-meaning, I don't want to say ignorant because I like and respect Mr. Smith, so we'll call him a Caring Opinion Spouter. Ahhh yes, grasshopper. Thank you for showing me the TWO teeth that are shaped like fangs. I did not point out though that the remaining 30 teeth are flat and designed for chewing veggies. I let this one pass. We'll call it a Get out of Henry's free card.

2. Me - "Maybe it would be a good idea to incorporate more salads into their meals. Bags of lettuce are cheap and it's easy." Mr. Buttface - "Um, excuse me but we are all MEAT EATERS here." (and yes, there was a scowl along with a finger doing a BIG circle in case i didn't know what "here" meant). This is obviously from a judgemental A-hole. Well, um, excuse me for trying to encourage a little nutrition. Last I checked, even medical meat eaters would agree veggies are a good idea on a regular basis. duh. It's called the food pyramid dummy.

3. Ms. Skinny Pants - "So I here you are vegetarian now." Me - "Yes, I am." Ms. Skinny Pants - " Well I hope you are going to be a good vegetarian, not one of those that goes to McDonalds and orders 4 bags of french fries."
Uh, I actually agree with Ms. Skinny Pants here. Potatoes soaked in oil and coming from McFatness does not equate healthy to me. I mean, if we're going to stop eating meat, why destroy our arteries with that crap and why buy it from a place that puts so much, excuse me ladies, SHIT in their food??? Come on veggies - be healthy! Maybe now I'm being a judgemental A-hole but really, that doesn't make any sense. Save a potato dude. Save a potato.

4. "Yeah, I'm a veggie now so no more meat. I'm not eating much dairy anymore either. Well, except for eggs. I am still eating eggs." Hi dumb ass. Just a little fyi - eggs are not dairy. What came first, the chicken or the EGG?? (so this was actually me that said this. See? I can hate on myself too. ;) Luckily i have a no bullshit friend who kindly pointed this fact out to me. Of course, I had probably already said it to at least 5 other people. Those 5 people - "see what happens when you stop eating meat? You turn stoopid."

5. This one is my favorite and really, I have to rant a little. This is the luxury of being the writer - I can rant whatever, whenever, I want. But since I'm not mentioning any names, this buttface is still protected. I'm ranting politely. Nice.Veggie.
Me - "I don't really feel comfortable with so, and so, and so, getting this shot. It hasn't been tested enough and I'd rather wait. You know, to see if there are any side effects we don't know about yet, because it's only been about, oh, five months. Maybe the gourd the size of a large eggplant doesn't start growing out of their necks until 10 months. You know, let's wait."
Mr. Buttface - Silence.............Silence..........BIG SIGH "HUH"......Silence............ "You know, just because you're..."
Me - "Don't even say it Mr. Buttface. This has nothing to do with my eating habits."

Mr. Buttface - " Yes. It does."
Me - "Um, no it doesn't."
Mr. Buttface - "Yes it does, now that you are vegetarian ....."
Silence. Word hangs in the air. Spoken with contempt and disgust and yes, judgement. Because now that I am vegetarian everyone, this MUST mean I have lost all common sense. Well golly, I didn't even realize common sense and sound judgement came from meat??? Is that in the chicken or the beef? Can I order a shot of it with my burger or steak? Kind of like a shot of wheat grass being put into a smoothie at Jamba Juice. Maybe the next time you eat with a friend of yours and she decides to order chicken wings, tell her to get a side of motherly love and parentall skills with it. After all, we don't want a parental deficiency on our hands. No siree. All us veggies, we are low on protein AND common sense. Now, why in the hell didn't I read that memo??? oh, probably because I am reading "Natural" magazine instead of Playboy.

I feel better. you?

I must say, being veggie is teaching me a lot about others and myself. I sound angry I know, and hey, sometimes I am. It's allowed. For me, a veggie, and the meat eater. See? We are more alike than you think.
Being veggie is showing me that people are afraid of what they do not know. You may think you already know this and to be honest, I knew this as well. It was just applied to different areas of my life. I guess you could say I became comfortable with the fear in those other areas so they aren't as shocking to me when I am confronted by them. I am prepared for those fears. This is new.
And for some reason, very personal.
Not to me, but to those that are around me. News flash. I'm not asking you to change. I'm not suggesting you do anything different in your life. We all make our own choices. I'm simply asking for a little respect, as a human being. Not a veggie freak show. Just a little joe-blow, every-day, we're all here living in this world together, respect. You don't have to agree. Nope. Not at all. Just try not to be insulting.
And so will I.

Much love to you Well-Meaning Ignorants, Caring Opinion Spouters, Judgemental A-holes, Veggies and Vegans, and yes, even you Mr. Buttface. We don't have to agree but we can all learn from each other. Perhaps we can discuss it, over a burger and a salad. Rock on.

Repentance. It's been on my mind a lot lately. Repentance. How many of us really knows what it means? I checked the dictionary. There, it states feeling sorrow for what one has done. Hmm. That's a start but the word "repentance" suggests so much more than sorrow doesn't it? It just sounds....meatier. I mean, how many of us have said I'm sorry or better yet, received an "I'm sorry" and thought "well, that kind of sucked ass." You sure don't look sorry. I dug a little deeper and found the biblical definition of repentance. Before the word "biblical" scares you off, bear with me here. In a nut shell, it does mean to feel sorrow for one's actions but it goes further then feeling sorrow. It puts some action to it. It is to feel sorrow and have a change in one's mind or will and to move in a different direction. Now that sounds like a verb! How many times have we been told "I'm sorry" and then the dummy goes right back out and does the same thing??? We all have. We have experienced it and we have done it. We're human. Which is probably why the dictionary we made gives a washed out definition of a demanding word. God expects more.

I have a purpose for bringing this up.

I see a head doctor. Three actually. One for me, one for me and my hubby, and my Jesus. before you judge and say Jesus should be enough, ask yourself how many times you wished you could hear the words spoken out loud? I am a firm believer that Jesus speaks to us through others if we would listen. And before you judge and say "why Jesus?", ask yourself how many times you have spoken to another person and it just wasn't enough. The empty spot was still there. Um, God made that hole so only he could fill it. We can put as many things in that hole we want, good or bad. We can shovel it in so fast our arms become a blur but all that happens is we become exhausted. And the hole is still there. I cover all my bases.

I see a head doctor. I hadn't seen her in a few months so she was not yet aware of my veggie conversion. As my hubby & I sat there and went over issues that seem to be on "repeat", our head doctor looked at me and asked me what is different. I was slightly taken aback. What is different about what? What is different about you? You are not the same. You are not angry. What happened? I began to tell her about my veggie epiphany, all the exercise I've been doing, the coffee & soda I had given up,all these chemicals I was putting into myself as if I was my own personal lab rat, these things I was just done with. Done. I had been one way for so long, so many years that i never even questioned what i was eating or putting into me or what was involved for me to eat that big, juicy,hamburger. I didn't think about the animals and how they are treated. It has been suggested that when we eat meat from animals that have been tortured or abused and whom die in fear while screaming - we consume that fear. Let that sink in for a minute. Now, I believe that when we die, we die. I don't think that animals fear lives in me, however; I am very much a part of why that animal dies that way. I share in that responsibility and before, I never questioned. I just did it.
And then one day I stopped. Done. In my head, in my body, I repented.
You may think these items cannot possibly be related but I disagree. She noticed. Our issues are the same. A big difference is me. (Not to take away from my hubby - he has made changes as well. But how I process and the feelings inside me have been a struggle. That is the difference in me that she noticed. love you jw)

Now, just a little side note here. I am not judging anyone that eats meat as being wrong. I have a husband and kids that eat meat and dairy without an issue. Well that's ok then. Of course for health reasons, it would make my heart soar to see them turn veggie but that will be their decision. I certainly do not see myself as better than them. But for me, for me, if after reading what I had, if I continued to eat meat it would have been WRONG. So I changed. I repented. Repentance is a very personal thing, It cannot be forced or cajoled or bribed or discussed or argued or learned. It has to come from within. Someone who feels sorrow in their soul for what they have done. Only then, only then, can an honest change take place.

Once repentance happens, once the sorrow is felt and tears are streaming down your face, the hiccups are happening because you can't catch your breath, and you're on your knees because the sorrow you felt didn't allow you to stand up. Once these have passed, brush the dirt off your knees, wipe your eyes, blow your nose, look up and smile. Then turn in the opposite direction you were once going, and MOVE FORWARD. It's not hard. You move one foot and then the next. You ask questions, get help, learn, study, talk about it, and KEEP MOVING. It is quite possible along the way that you will have haters, blow them a kiss and keep walking. It is to be expected that people will question what you have done, simply answer them. Every now and then someone will throw up in your face everything you are trying to do different and remind you of what you were. If they do it because they care, patiently explain. If they do it because they don't, because they want to bring you back down with them, RUN away from them. There is no need for that. Needless arguing and explanation helps no one.
And sometimes, every now and then, you will meet someone on your journey that wants to walk with you. (i have tears now) By all means, take their hand and walk together.
Repentance is for everyone.

dude. I feel FAT today. This is a first since I have started my veggie life. But today, today I feel like I can explode out of my own skin like an italian sausage. Ok - gross visual but you get me - FAT.
I'm still feeling slightly perplexed that this is not harder. I mean, I went cold cucumber and just stopped eating meat, drinking soda, drinking (oh for the love and smell of it) coffee, and consuming any sugar that i can detect. Everything now is unsweetened; unless I want raw sugar and good luck waiting for that to dissolve - better off not getting it and saving my thighs a few dimples. No rub a bub-bub when I walk. I have started consuming more raw veggies this past month than I have have in the past six months easy. Tofu and soy are my new homies, wanting to hang with me at every meal and I'm having to push them back. I keep telling myself Fresh! Fresh! I am cooking for myself and the family food that is not just edible but enjoyable.... So, why am I feeling slightly funky? I keep waiting for the shoe to drop, or the tomato to explode, or the potato skin to shed, and run screaming from the kitchen " Meat! Oh sweet Lord give me meat and cheese and please oh please a piece of chocolate for crap's sake!" But no. This has not happened.
In fact, at a BBQ just the other day I got a hamburger off the grill for my daughter (she is still pulling the "shy" thing. I have no idea why I fall for this because I know darn well that girl is not shy) and as I carried it over to her a drop of grease falls on my wrist and begins to slide down my arm. I looked at it and Oh Mr. Mcdonald that had a farm, there was blood on it. I stopped walking for a split second. I wanted to drop it, to get it AWAY from me, to throw it but you know, my arm sucks. I throw worse than any girl, so it wouldn't have gone very far. probably would have landed on my foot and how would that be. Oh look, she has a dead, bloody cow at her feet. ugh. At the very least, I wanted to hurl.
These emotions, strong as they were, caught me by surprise. After all, it's not like I'm a virgin, I've seen this meat before. But not like this. Just like that guy you wish you could erase from your mind, the one where you think, omg - i did that with him?!?! That hot guy with the silky, thick hair turns out to be greasy & smells like smoke and sour alcohol, with too much mousse in his hair so it flakes all over your pillow. You see him and fight off the gag reflex when he wants a good morning kiss and hoping your girlfriend didn't see and if so, that there wasn't any proof, no pictures for sure so you can deny, deny, deny..... well, that's how I felt.
A little traumatized by the hamburger.
It was written all over my face. My daughter laughed. I laughed too because I don't want to be so uptight others think i have a giant pickle up my butt but believe you me, I wiped my arm off as fast as I could.

But still, this has not been that hard. Ok, I will admit though the other night my daughter, (same one - maybe she has it in for me) was cutting chunks of cheese to go with her crackers. I walked by and as I passed the platter of snack perfection, I reached out to grab one. My hand stopped mid-air as I caught myself. My daughter looked at me and smiled a very knowing, conspiratal smile. It's ok mommy - just one. One piece of yummy sharp cheddar cheese won't hurt you. It's soooo delicious. Hah! Pusher. I kept walking.

I feel so free writing again! It's been too long. Busy, busy, busy. Being busy robs me of the things I love to do. Makes me crazy.

So, I'm still seeing Smoke. It's one of those bad relationships. We break up and then get back together. It's not even the sex because Smoke doesn't get me off much anymore, I'm thinking it's the comfort. I've heard it's dangerous when relationships get too comfortable. Next thing you know, it's only sweatpants, stringy hair and farting. The romance is gone and all that is left is the grim, smelly reality. I had a t-shirt on earlier today that smelled like Smoke. I wanted to gag. I stunk. Smoke stunk. The worst part? I'll probably see him later. I keep trying to give it Jesus. Really I do. I know that Jesus is completely capable of taking away my urge to ever see Smoke again. But I'm kind of like an Indian giver. I always take it back. I tell Jesus later, not right now, tomorrow, after this one, after this pack, after I'm done being pissed off at my ex or sad about the pigeon. Later. And then I wake up and I tell Jesus I'm sorry. Again. I tell him I really want to stop. This time. And then back I go. See how this grabs you - As a dog returns to his vomit so a fool returns to his folly. FAB.U.LOUS. I'm a fool eating my vomit. God doesn't mess around. Calls you right out and there it is. One day I'm going to stop eating that. I'm going Fresh! After all I was addicted to the food I ate for 33 years, Smoke has only been around for 20. You'd think it would be a piece of cake. or pie. or cold cup of chocolate soy milk. (freakin yum! that stuff is amazing.)

I'm about done today with all my rambling. I leave with one thought.
Why do we eat animal crackers? It seems a little strange to me. Well, for one, it's a cookie ok. Let's not give our food identity issues. It tastes like a cookie. Smells like a cookie. It's a cookie. And second, it's shaped like an animal?! Does this not strike anyone else as odd? I mean, we advocate not eating animals but we'll eat them as a cookie? Why aren't they shaped like radishes? or portobello mushrooms? That would be a big freakin' cracker that wants to be a cookie right there. At least the size of a lion. Maybe an elephant. Perhaps you've never wondered. Or maybe you think it's dumb. It's not meat stupid! But the next time you go to bite off the gorilla's head - maybe the irony will hit you.