OMG - I've turned veggie!

Repentance. It's been on my mind a lot lately. Repentance. How many of us really knows what it means? I checked the dictionary. There, it states feeling sorrow for what one has done. Hmm. That's a start but the word "repentance" suggests so much more than sorrow doesn't it? It just sounds....meatier. I mean, how many of us have said I'm sorry or better yet, received an "I'm sorry" and thought "well, that kind of sucked ass." You sure don't look sorry. I dug a little deeper and found the biblical definition of repentance. Before the word "biblical" scares you off, bear with me here. In a nut shell, it does mean to feel sorrow for one's actions but it goes further then feeling sorrow. It puts some action to it. It is to feel sorrow and have a change in one's mind or will and to move in a different direction. Now that sounds like a verb! How many times have we been told "I'm sorry" and then the dummy goes right back out and does the same thing??? We all have. We have experienced it and we have done it. We're human. Which is probably why the dictionary we made gives a washed out definition of a demanding word. God expects more.

I have a purpose for bringing this up.

I see a head doctor. Three actually. One for me, one for me and my hubby, and my Jesus. before you judge and say Jesus should be enough, ask yourself how many times you wished you could hear the words spoken out loud? I am a firm believer that Jesus speaks to us through others if we would listen. And before you judge and say "why Jesus?", ask yourself how many times you have spoken to another person and it just wasn't enough. The empty spot was still there. Um, God made that hole so only he could fill it. We can put as many things in that hole we want, good or bad. We can shovel it in so fast our arms become a blur but all that happens is we become exhausted. And the hole is still there. I cover all my bases.

I see a head doctor. I hadn't seen her in a few months so she was not yet aware of my veggie conversion. As my hubby & I sat there and went over issues that seem to be on "repeat", our head doctor looked at me and asked me what is different. I was slightly taken aback. What is different about what? What is different about you? You are not the same. You are not angry. What happened? I began to tell her about my veggie epiphany, all the exercise I've been doing, the coffee & soda I had given up,all these chemicals I was putting into myself as if I was my own personal lab rat, these things I was just done with. Done. I had been one way for so long, so many years that i never even questioned what i was eating or putting into me or what was involved for me to eat that big, juicy,hamburger. I didn't think about the animals and how they are treated. It has been suggested that when we eat meat from animals that have been tortured or abused and whom die in fear while screaming - we consume that fear. Let that sink in for a minute. Now, I believe that when we die, we die. I don't think that animals fear lives in me, however; I am very much a part of why that animal dies that way. I share in that responsibility and before, I never questioned. I just did it.
And then one day I stopped. Done. In my head, in my body, I repented.
You may think these items cannot possibly be related but I disagree. She noticed. Our issues are the same. A big difference is me. (Not to take away from my hubby - he has made changes as well. But how I process and the feelings inside me have been a struggle. That is the difference in me that she noticed. love you jw)

Now, just a little side note here. I am not judging anyone that eats meat as being wrong. I have a husband and kids that eat meat and dairy without an issue. Well that's ok then. Of course for health reasons, it would make my heart soar to see them turn veggie but that will be their decision. I certainly do not see myself as better than them. But for me, for me, if after reading what I had, if I continued to eat meat it would have been WRONG. So I changed. I repented. Repentance is a very personal thing, It cannot be forced or cajoled or bribed or discussed or argued or learned. It has to come from within. Someone who feels sorrow in their soul for what they have done. Only then, only then, can an honest change take place.

Once repentance happens, once the sorrow is felt and tears are streaming down your face, the hiccups are happening because you can't catch your breath, and you're on your knees because the sorrow you felt didn't allow you to stand up. Once these have passed, brush the dirt off your knees, wipe your eyes, blow your nose, look up and smile. Then turn in the opposite direction you were once going, and MOVE FORWARD. It's not hard. You move one foot and then the next. You ask questions, get help, learn, study, talk about it, and KEEP MOVING. It is quite possible along the way that you will have haters, blow them a kiss and keep walking. It is to be expected that people will question what you have done, simply answer them. Every now and then someone will throw up in your face everything you are trying to do different and remind you of what you were. If they do it because they care, patiently explain. If they do it because they don't, because they want to bring you back down with them, RUN away from them. There is no need for that. Needless arguing and explanation helps no one.
And sometimes, every now and then, you will meet someone on your journey that wants to walk with you. (i have tears now) By all means, take their hand and walk together.
Repentance is for everyone.