OMG - I've turned veggie!

Oh happy, veggie me! Life is good and I am healthy! Well, I could be healthier but I'm a work in progress. That's what I keep telling myself.
I have a few updates...... for you, for me. Gotta write them down so I can keep tarck of my adventure. (i'm trying "adventure" instead of "journey". still don't like that word!)

1. I am still seeing Smoke. Bastard. I actually had a nooner with him today. Doesn't happen very often. Left me feeling a little woozy. I usually wait to see him at night and tonight was no different. We hooked up four times. Jeez. It only lasted minutes and I was freezing. It may get old hearing me talk about Smoke but hey, something has to be said for the commitment.

2. I have lost a total of 15 pounds. Yay! I don't even know how this is possible because let me tell you, I have been eating horribly the past few weeks. I've been so busy, driving around all over the place, that I've been grabbing something on the road. Translate - at least 4 veggie burritos in two weeks. ugh! That, there burrito may have no meat but let me tell ya, my butt doesn't know the difference between fatty meat and carbs that cling on as if a sinking ship is sucking them down and my ass is a life boat. Oh yes, those bad boys hold on for dear life. Needless to say, I have been avoiding the dreaded scale. I hate that thing. Sometimes I want to smash it to bits and watch all the shiny pieces splatter across my bathroom floor. But oh, when it give me nice numbers, I want to get down on my knees and kiss it while whispering sweet nothings into its digital face. I know. Sick.
A few days ago I decided to bite the bullet and step on. I was sure it was not a good idea. For one, I had already showered, gotten dressed, had half a smoothie...let's face it, we girls do not get on a scale this way. Nope, we step on when we are still bleary eyed from sleep, have peed first thing, wearing only a tank top and boxers, and not one ounce of heavy water has touched our lips or our hair. But I was dying to know - just how destructive had those burritos been??? I stepped on.
It was 4 pounds higher than what it had been the week before.
I expected this. But it didn't ease the blow. I took a deep breath and got off. I continued putting my make up on. And i started talking to myself. "It's ok Shannon. No biggie. Don't beat yourself up. Been a busy week girl. Damn kids stressing you out. Too much driving all around. Just let it go. Next week will be better. YOU. ARE. NOT. FAT. (repeat) (repeat again) (and again)." NO matter how much I said this out loud, it wasn't helping. Screw it! Yup, that was said out loud too. I checked my watch. 10 minutes. I had 10 minutes before I had to leave for work. Still had to make my lunch, brush my teeth, get my shoes.. 10 minutes. SCREW IT!! Next thing I knew, i tore off all my clothes and threw them on the floor faster than you can inhale a cookie before the kids catch you. My butt jumped right back on that scale... I looked down..... numbers are flashing...... BAM! Three pounds lighter. YESSSSS!Sweet victory! I got off the scale, praising the Lord, and put my clothes back on. Three pounds of clothes. What the hell am I wearing?! I was happier, lighter, smaller, only one pound off. Oh happy, psychotic, veggie me!!!
Next day - lost that pound and here I am - 15 pounds total. Been a week and holding. Suhweet!!!!

3. Still working on being nice when insensitive comments come my way about my veggie-ism. I'm not gritting my teeth as much, letting it roll off my back. Seriously - why get so worked up? I'm veggie, not flippin' fragile. Buck up cucumber.

4. Still trying new recipes. I aim for one a week but that doesn't always happen. A few nights ago, I made some kick ass corn muffins. I did use an egg, so not vegan, but instead of milk I used a banana and added green chilis and jalapenos. YUMMY! Not only did they smell scrumptious but the taste did not disappoint either. A friend of mine passed the on to me - so worth it. Thanks C! Had them with a bowl of Minestrone soup. Very tasty.

Updates over.

Lately, on my mind has been - FRESH. I find myself craving anything fresh. So crispy and colorful and light and FRESH. Salads - yup. Good stuff. Just yesterday I bought some apples (organic -they can look a little worn but still good and NO chemicals. yippe!), dried cranberries, walnuts, and blue cheese. Can't wait to make a salad with that! Cheese...hmm. That is a dairy I can't totally cut off. I broke up with cheddar, even the sharp stuff, no mozzarella, or monterey jack. definitely no american. I'm not going to feel any guilt by eating that plastic, waxy crap. But feta and blue - oh how i love you. Just a little sprinkle and I get all excited.
A most favorite breakfast? Eggs (organic. expensive but worth it. yes they are brown and this was tough for me at first. I know, it's natural but for 33 years I preferred my eggs bleached white. Just seemed more sanitary that way. But no more! Brown, organic eggs 100% Buy them at Costco and it's a sweet deal), cut up spinach, a smidgen of feta cheese, all rolled in a wheat tortilla. One of these days I'm going to throw some sun-dried tomatoes in there and wow - Starbucks is a thing of the past.

Another fave breakfast is oatmeal with dried fruit and almonds. Now this I normally get at Starbucks. (ok - who am I kidding. Starbucks will never be a thing of the past. duh) I did try to make this on my own. I was so proud of myself. I had cranberries, raisins, golden raisins, apples, and my own almonds. I took all my ingredients to work and put the oats in the microwave. Check me out - healthy and frugal. I'm a freakin genius. Well, I thought I was until I went to get my oatmeal and discovered it had exploded all over the microwave. I think it was a combination of too many oats and too small a bowl. After I cleaned my giant mess, I had half a bowl of oatmeal that looked like sticky rice. Not the most visually appetizing meal I have to admit. I ate it. But i think it was my pride that spurred me on. I am embarrassed to say, I have not tried this again. I have however, been to Starbucks.

Last but not least - I purchased an Iced tea Maker. It sounds kind of silly at first but let me tell you, this thing rocks. In minutes, I have three quarts of freshly brewed iced tea. No jar sitting on my porch for hours. No tea leaves floating around at the bottom like forgotten fish flakes (or is that poo?). Nope, this maker has a filter and a plug. Love. It.

All in all, everything is going well. I am dying to try a cupcake recipe. I have purchased most of the ingrediants. Now if i can just figure out how to buy a couple more hours in a day and I'd be set. But they are coming! I'm hoping to get my daughter that loves to bake in there with me. I figure if she helps bake it, she may be more willing to try it. Sneaky? nah. Smart? Fo sho!

Till next time..... much love!

Isn't it amazing how you can struggle against something or someone with everything in you, as if pushing against 160 mph gale force winds of a hurricane, and suddenly, out of nowhere - calmness? All the shoving and howling suddenly ceases and you found your self in the eye of the storm. the moment when clarity prevails, the world is crisp with newness, and the angry rain has washed away all the dirt and haze, all the gunk with a determination that can't possibly be human, and our eyes can SEE. It's a beautiful thing. So beautiful it brings tears to my eyes.

The hurricanes have whipped through my life and brought clarity several times over the past months. Even though this is a beautiful thing (um, I said that already didn't I?) it means that I was fighting back against something or someone else. And that can only mean one thing - pride or ego, mine namely, had taken hold of my being and wouldn't let go. Not only would it not let go but I fed it, tended to my pride with a fierce self righteous love, knowing that I would be redeemed in the end. Oh my!IDIOT! Perhaps my storm started with rightness on my side but once the attitude, the self, the pride, steps in - all bets are off. It's no longer about making things right but only of being right. A slippery slope that I gleefully went for a ride on without even realizing what was happening. That's how those slopes are sometimes. Your walkin along, taking small steps on a descending path, skidding a little here and there to regain balance, and then whoosh! A free fall. So swift and consuming, I blinked and didn't realize I was about to fall right on my ass.


My first experience is simple, so simple that perhaps it won't have any significance for anyone but me. It's two incidents, with two different people, but came together for me as one.
It was lunch at work. As i was getting my food ready, a co-worker who knows i have gone veggie, asks me, "What's for lunch today?" Easy question, No problem. "Black bean and tofu enchilada with a salad." My co-worker - " Oh, gross." And then she plopped herself at a table and threw her face into a book. It pissed me off. Yep, probably more than it should have but I thought it was rude and really, unnecessary. I don't walk into your kitchen and sniff and say, "wow - it smells like shit in here." and walk out. Nope I don't. I looked at her lunch. Two pathetic, dried up pieces of wheat bread with an equally pathetic piece of Carl Buddig lunch meat smashed in between. Oh yeah, that looked freakin' luscious. I wanted to say that to her so bad and in hindsight, I am so happy I listened to God and kept my fat mouth shut. But before this hindsight came, (because you know - hindsight always comes when we realize how stupid we have acted), I was irritated for a few days.
About a week later, another co-worker of mine walked by, just like he has every day for the past five years, and I was suddenly hit with remorse. You see, his wife is a vegetarian and when he married her, he didn't turn veggie, but he did begin to buy and only eat, grass fed beef. At the time, I found this hilarious and crazy. It was beef that cost two to three times the amount of regular beef. What a dummy. Ironic isn't it? Now I won't even eat beef and only buy organic milk and eggs for my family. Who's the dummy now? Anyway, each time he passed by me, my remorse grew. Around 3:30 in the afternoon, I couldn't take it anymore. I stopped him. I looked at him and told him how sorry I was for making fun of him in the past for eating grass fed beef. I told him that it was judgemental on my part, that I truly felt horrible about it, and I commended him for taking it all in stride. I basically told him I thought he rocked. Now, I'm not saying this to toot my own horn or whatever. I'm saying it because I tell my kids all the time - don't judge someone for what you see, you don't know what their life is like or why they make the choices they do. Yet, I did the exact opposite of what I preach to them and I had to make it right. I had to. Thankfully, he took it all in and accepted my apology. He rocks. So, it made me think of my lunch buddy, who slammed my food and how pissed I was with her. Should I not show her the same grace I had just been shown? yes. I most definitely should.
I haven't walked in her shoes either.

Onto my next storm.
I haven't walked in this guy's shoes either but I did walk right beside them for almost ten years. I've got a first hand knowledge of what his life is like. I don't know if this helps or hurts but I was grateful for the eye that embraced me today. Calmness. What a gift.
He is my the father of my kids, my ex-husband, my first love and long time hate, but now by the grace of God only, almost a friend. Our food habits are quite extreme in difference. I am now a veggie. He hates them. I now avoid any sugar I can. He consumes it as if it is the long, lost, prodigal nutrient that has suddenly found its way home. I now try to cook most meals fresh. His generally come from a box. I could go on and on but you get the drift. COMPLETE. OPPOSITES. My new found veggieism has been a point of contention on several occasions. If you look at any of my previous blogs, I am sure you can pick these out. In a nutshell, he thinks I have turned into some sort of veggie lovin- tree huggin- yoga breathin- let's have world peace - freak. Is he crazy? I don't think the world will ever have peace. Duh.
He thinks I have lost it - gone to the green side and skip among rows of lettuce, oblivious to any practical senses. Ahem. I disagree of course but this has also pissed me off more than once. Again losing sight and only caring about being right rather than making things right. Dangerous thinking. Again - a sure way to fall flat on my ass.
The jokes come at my expense, I grin and bear it with clenched teeth (we have kids you know. I can't just drop kick him with my tongue any time I feel like it). He loudly makes his position known and I quietly restate mine. Ok, so I'm not much of a quiet person but I don't normally feel the need to exclaim at any given moment - "we are vegetable eaters here" while I turn my finger in a circle to remind him of where "here" is. Obviously we have entered unknown territory. He constantly reiterating they will continue on the unhealthy path of sugar and carnage, and me with a persistent determination to save my kids from it.
I bought my son bagels today. Two weeks worth. I made a deal with him that he would eat this for breakfast with peanut butter and a piece of fruit every day for two weeks. You see, he is having trouble at school. Trouble focusing and remembering and he is constantly grounded to the kitchen table. I'm afraid he's going to be mistaken for a chair pretty soon. He is almost ten. Way too soon to start dealing with this crap. I asked him what he eats for breakfast. His face lit up. "Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal." huh. I asked him how that works out. "I'm starving before recess comes." double huh. Maybe three months ago I wouldn't have thought the two were related but since I know the difference in how I feel - the relation cannot be ignored. How can he possibly focus when he is loaded up on sugar? How can he remember anything when he is "starving?" I know that when I am hungry all i can think about is what I'm going to eat and when. Nothing else crosses my mind. NOTHING. I can imagine for an almost ten year old it would be the same. Now, I don't think bagels are the best option but it was a compromise. He made gagging noises when I suggested oatmeal. If I want him to make better choices I better give him options he will like. So, bagels with peanut butter it is.Shockingly enough, i was slightly nervous to hand over the bag of bagels to his dad when he came to pick him up. This would cause a ruckus I was sure. Thank God I don't know everything.
He came. I explained about the bagels. I even stuttered a little. My nervousness Was apparent. I didn't want to offend and made that known. He looked at me, glanced down at the bag of bagels, looked back up at my face and mumbled, "Ok. That's fine and I'm not offended." Huh. This is a first.I could say I'm finally making him see the light and take all kinds of credit, letting my veggie pride hurl me along in a self righteous frenzy that would leave me thinking - Ha! I am RIGHT.

But I can't do that.

Because that would be wrong.

I don't think, he thinks, I am right at all. I do however, think he appreciated my attitude. I was humble. I was gentle (that's a miracle in itself) and I was considerate. This is what got him. You can't fake humbleness. A two year old can see through that. You can't fake gentleness. Well, I can't. And consideration, well, shouldn't we all try that more often?

The hurricane has passed. Half of it anyway. I am in the eye. Seeing clearly and appreciating the beauty of calmness around me. When the next half comes through, I can only pray that God will remind me to hunker down my pride and keep the attitude nailed to the plywood. Because if that plywood comes off - the windows may break. And I can only blame the person who lives in the unprotected house. Me.