Not my physical birthday, but my veggie one. A year ago, when i became a vegetarian i remember telling my husband that when the year came (um, my birthday!!) we would have to celebrate in some way. I felt like i would really deserve this giganto party for forsaking all juicy steaks and fat hamburgers in lieu of skinny carrots and plain potatoes. I thought that congratulations would be in order and people would come from near and far to shake my hand and say things like, "Oh my - i just don't know how you do it! You are a far better person than I", or as my head swells bigger, "Well look at you! You deserve some kind of medal or something for your perseverance in this veggie choice of yours. How do you do it??" Then the animals would all moo and oink in thanks while running free through fields of grass and mud.
Yeah, something subtle like that.
I forgot that i was not the center of anyone's universe......not anyone's except my own. This was a big decision for ME - a HUGE one in fact but only I am affected. Well, except for my kids. They would most definitely agree that they have been caught in the cross-fire of good versus evil in the food realms. The decision to stop eating meat and dairy, excluding cheese (man oh man how i looove cheese)and most processed foods was a lifestyle choice for me. Only. Me.
So my birthday came and guess what happened? Nothing.
I didn't even notice it had passed. Oh yeah i had thought to myself, wow it's been a year now, but that was it. No thoughts of how i should receive the humanitarian of the year award or selfless person nomination, nothing. It came, it went, and i kept on eating my veggies and living my life. That is what got my attention. I'm eating my veggies and just living my life. It is what it is. I am doing what I am doing.
What is the froggin' point here Shables? That's what you're thinking. Right?
Right?
My point is just that. It was a crazy change in the beginning. I didn't know how to shop for myself. I didn't have a lot of experience cooking anything that didn't come out of a box with two packets labeled "sauce" and "noodles". I could have cared less what happened to animals and how they are treated; only acknowledging them if they were going to be on my plate as rare, medium, or well-done. I didn't know how to bake anything from scratch and high fructose corn syrup sounded fancy and delicious. I lived on Diet Coke's, blissfully unaware of how they kept me fat and sluggish and Doritos were the bomb.
Crazy change in the beginning, tweaky adjustments in the middle, and then ... well, living it. Each day, every day. It's not a change anymore. It's my life.
I learned how to cook all these wonderful soups and stews that team with fresh veggies and beans. I realized that water is not torture and it really does make me feel better when i am not dehydrated and amped out on splenda. Homemade cupcakes come out of my oven and they are scrumptious if i do say so myself. But I won't. My son says it too. Since he's 11, I figure he's kind of an expert in any cake department and definitely desserts. So. There.
My cupboard is now full of bags of rice, beans, and lentils instead of hamburger helper in Salisbury Steak and Chili Taco flavors. My hands thank me. They are no longer bloated with sodium. Oh don't get me wrong - i still have chubby stubs as fingers but at least i know now that it's the chub God gave me, not Pillsbury.
So instead of spending my time wondering where all my recognition is, i have been reflecting. There have been up and downs for sure. I'll start small.
I gave up cheese. In the beginning. This lasted only a few months, weeks? I'm not sure.
It started to creep back in gradually. I would only have feta or blue on a salad.
No cheddar! Goodness no. No cheddar slices please. Cheese and crackers? Pass. With my nose in the air.
But then a little mozzarella would end up on my pasta or i would have a teeny, tiny bit of cheddar on my burritos. Minuscule really. Next thing I know it was veggie burgers with jalepeno jack cheese because if i was going to eat it i felt a lot less guilty if it was on the fancy side.
Now? Yep.
Eating grilled cheese sandwiches with abandon. (sigh) I tried. I did. I fought a good fight. But here's the thing. That fake cheese? The one that everyone says tastes like cheese and melts like cheese and you will love it like it is cheese because it doesn't hug your ass as much and your taste buds can't tell the difference? yeah. That cheese is crap. I don't care who says it tastes good. In my opinion it must have been a really, really, long time since they have had authentic cheese. It's not even close to real cheese.
Negative when it is melted.
If it melts at all.
I know that package says so, that it will melt and be delicious as a cheese impersonator, but don't fall for it. Lies. Unless you haven't had cheese in a long time and don't know the difference anymore. For the rest of us, give it up completely or resign yourself to being in a veggie turmoil. Cheese is here to stay. For now.
Ditto for coffee.
I bought a coffee maker last week.
Uh, please don't judge.
Coffee is back. But a much better version. No more syrups. No more whipped cream. Coffee and vanilla soy. Yum. So good added plain or steamed for a latte. YUM! The Starbucks near my house must be wondering why their profits have been down lately and it is because i am no longer going there, daily, to quench my coffee crave, all the while telling myself i wasn't addicted to it because i wasn't breaking down and buying a new maker. (i sold my old one at a garage sale when i gave it up the first time. Dumb. trust me - the attic is a far wiser choice)Oh sure. I did stop drinking coffee for a long time. Almost the entire year. I switched to tea.
Tea.
It's not a good coffee.
It is good when you are sick. Yes, of course it is. It is lovely on a hot day with ice. But in the morning, while driving to work waiting for the heater to kick in? No. That is coffee's job. Ahhh. Hello coffee. Welcome back.
The clincher is when i saw that Silk now makes a creamer. Wellllll hello!!!! I swear, i honestly felt like God had answered a prayer. Right there in the Henry's refrigerator aisle i thanked Him. "Thank you God for soy creamer and coffee. Yesssss!!!!"
Just like that.
But in a whisper so no one thought i was crazy.
Of course now the hubs is drinking it with me so if i felt any guilt before, pssh, it is gone now. It looks like i did us both a favor. Thanks to you Target for having it in sale for $15. Whoo. Hoo.
This last one? Not so easy. But i must, must, write about it because it has been such an issue for me.
A big bonus to going veggie was all the weight i thought i was going to drop. I mean, i wasn't going to be one of those carb-inhaling (although i did a fab job of this on Thanksgiving), french-fry-buying, quesadilla-eating-every-5-minutes vegetarian. Make no mistake, I love all of these things and i will eat the fries off your plate if they look ignored with a quickness, and slather a bunch of guacamole on a quesadilla and i may kiss you, but i am a good veggie.
Meaning: i eat a lot of them on a very regular basis.
Veggies, fruits, beans, lentils, all of these are regular participators in my diet. I did drop 15 pounds relatively quickly.
I was ECSTATIC.
Oh yes i was. I would jump on that scale in the morning with joy to see if i had lost another pound or if I was holding steady. Steady was good.
Losing was better.
The best. For the first time i felt skinny and i wasn't ready to chew anyone's arm off, mainly my own, in the process. I began to work out on a regular basis. Yoga became my friend. Walking miles and miles brings me pleasure. But after a while i began to notice something.
The pounds were coming back.
So did panic. And self-loathing. And the avoidance of wanting to be naked within 10 feet of my husband. And the insane (i mean it too. Insane. Mental. Freak.) impulse to do anything, ANYTHING, to make them disappear again. I wanted to starve myself. Eat nothing but celery and drink water.
That lasted about 20 seconds.
I told the hubs about this plan to make sure it wouldn't last longer than 30. I have no follow through when it comes to starvation.
I was pissed. Confused. I wanted to cry. What the hell?! What is up?! I'm doing everything right and here i am, again, at a number i didn't want to see.
SHIT. BALLS.
This obviously meant that no, i wasn't doing something right. And if i was, then something is very, very, wrong with me. Defective. Well, that was news eh? Something I've never thought before.
Again. S. B.
What to do? How would i tackle this task? Where would i start? I waited and waited and plotted and planned. I wanted an answer.
I finally got it.
Give yourself a break already.
A whisper. God? My conscience? My hubs? My best friend? All of the above?
Maybe. Probably. Yes.
They can't all be wrong can they?
So i decided to give myself a break. I put the scale on the side of the cabinet so it's not the first thing i see every morning. I continue to eat healthy veggie. I keep working out. I limit the negative self talk to one or two comments a day and then i tell it to go where the devil is gonna live. I'm so over it. I'm over feeling like i have to be, be... be....
Skinny.
I am what I am. I am fleshy. ha! I actually don't mind that word. I'm gonna make fleshy the new sexy. At least in my house.
I heard this conversation the other day.
Two girls are at a pizza place. One girl is chowing down and the expression on her face is orgasmic. Seriously. Must have been some good fluppin' pizza. The other girl eats one piece and stops. Says she can't eat anymore. When asked why the hell not, she goes on to explain that she has gained a few pounds and now has a "muffin top." So she's not going to eat anymore.
Not even pizza that may give you an orgasm.
Those muffin tops are powerful suckers. I hate them. Effin muffin top suckers.
The 1st girl asks her if she's ever undressed in front of a guy.
2nd girl: Yes.
1st girl: What did he do? Did he run away? Did he leave?
2nd girl: No.
1st girl: Of course he didn't. He was with a naked woman. he felt like he won the floppin' lottery.
1st girl: (Big smile as she gets the point and begins to partake in pizza. Orgasm smile follows)
The conversation above is courtesy Eat, Pray, Love. I wanted to shout out when this scene was over - EFF yeah!!!! Oh wait - i think i did.
Now, I'm not saying i want to be ginormous and unhealthy. On the contrary, I am the healthiest i have ever been. I know. I have the test results to prove it. So maybe my body has different ideas about weight than I do. All i know is, I'm not going to stress on it anymore. At least, not anymore today and hopefully not much tomorrow.
I am healthy. I do love food and i am pretty positive i have an orgasm face with my food as well. I'm going to enjoy it because last i checked, when i undress in front of the hubs, he's looking like he won the lottery.
To summarize? I am happy in my choice to be a healthy veggie. Sure sometimes i smell a hamburger or see a big bratwurst with peppers and onions and think, "dang, that looks really good and smells like...... orgasm." ha! Not really. Not orgasm, but for just a second I'll close my eyes and take a big whiff.
And then i keep going. I don't have to pretend i don't like it. I don't have to do anything. I could eat that bratwurst if i want to. Who's gonna stop me?
It's my choice. It's my freedom. I am going to enjoy it all.
Happy belated veggie birthday to me. :)
1 comments:
i like the term "fleshy" :)
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