OMG - I've turned veggie!

It all started simply enough. I began reading Skinny Bitch, not because I wanted to be a bitch but because i totally wanted to be skinny. I had tried everything else; counting calories, writing down everything I ate, low fat, no fat, low calories, no calories, oh yes, and exercise. Still, I've remained the same for oh, months, years, and what else can I do? I get as motivated as the next person when I watch the Biggest Loser and I bet if I worked out for 6-8 hours a day then I would lose 10 pounds a week too. Unfortunately i have that pesky issue - oh yes, a job. So that is out. Puking and starving myself ? Totally out. Although I can kind of admire their sick dedication, it is a sickness and you know, I have enough sick crap rolling around in my head - no need to add another. Oh yes, and I have daughters. I mustn't totally mind screw them. It is my deepest desire (well, one of them) that they love themselves and don't ever participate in the sadistic game of COMPARISON. Wouldn't we all be better off if we could appreciate each other instead of envy each other? Oh well, I'm getting off course here.
So, my sister in law was nice enough to lend me the book. She said it was good. I had heard it is very straight up and to be honest, had avoided it because I really didn't want anyone telling me I was fat - straight up or dancing around a bush. But I said sure because hey, what I was doing was getting old and my sister in law, well she is a Skinny Bitch. (don't freak out ya'll. She'll consider this a great compliment). It was Sunday, August 2ND (which is now my official veggie birthday. I am expecting a celebration. And a vegan cheesecake. :) ) and my sweet hubby was cooking a turkey. I started to read. If you haven't read this book, you should. It is quite funny and full of information. But if you are prudish or easily shocked you will need to get over it or not read it because you will be called a pussy or a fat cow more than once. Don't worry - they say it in love.
Anyway, I'm reading. I'm hooked and laughing and nodding my head in agreement, yes I do need to stop drinking soda and smoking and start exercising and.... the list goes on and on. I'm starting to think that the book makes a lot of sense and I should start eating more veggies but not just veggies. I couldn't do that. but more veggies. Then I got to the chapter about animals.
Now, I am not an animal lover. I do not get excited over exotic birds (or ANY bird for that matter), I'm not interested in swimming with dolphins (duh - sharks), cats to me are satan incarnate, and dogs, well, they smell. I have a dog. And he's the only creature I love. I really do think he is the only lovable one. I go to the zoo every few years with the kids and I'm good. The best part to me is if i get lucky enough to see an elephant pee. It is freakin hilarious. I know I sound immature and maybe a little gross but then, you must not have ever seen an elephant pee. Freakin. Hilarious.
Ok, so I am at the chapter about animals and I knew it would be graphic. I mean, they are trying to make a point so we all know, it's got to be graphic. But I never expected what I read and then pictured in my mind. As I write this I am getting tears in my eyes just thinking about it. Remember - not an animal person. It was truly horrible. I sobbed. My 14 year old daughter, we'll call her Sammi, looked at me like I had lost my mind. My husband, we'll call him Jeff, looked at me the same way. I couldn't stop crying or thinking that I had a turkey cooking in the oven. I almost puked. It was right then that the change took place. (ok I am crying now)
I thought of all these comments I had ever made regarding food. My best friend is .. well, awesome but also very spiritual. She very much believes that how we treat creatures or any living thing comes back to us. My sister in law, she's vegan. That pretty much sums it up. We all know how she would feel about animals then. I on the other hand, I'm very ashamed at how callous and unfeeling I must have sounded - even to myself. Well, now. Not then obviously.
I felt like God was shaking up my insides. I felt like the tears were His way of cleaning me out. I also think He wouldn't have minded if had puked but I was able to keep a clamp on that one. I was crying for being a part of something so cruel and unnecessary. I was crying because I didn't know better and I should have. I cried because God gave us this earth and the animals and commanded us to take care of them and we have screwed that up royally. Maybe you don't believe in God and that's ok but I do. And at that moment I felt like He was holding me accountable for being complacent. Maybe I hadn't personally ripped off a cow's leg or boiled a pig alive but I certainly didn't do much to stop it either. In fact, I didn't even want to know about it. Whoever said "ignorance is bliss" is a selfish asshole. (yes I am a christian but I do cuss. God knows. Deal with it.) I knew I would always be different. I still don't know how different or where the line gets drawn but I am different.
God says (if you don't believe in God, again, just roll with me here) that if we do something and we know it is wrong, we are sinning. How could I ever eat meat again and then look God in the face? I couldn't. I can't. I don't know if I would be able to look at myself the same. That's saying a lot. I've done some pretty bad things and managed to look at myself just fine.
It's been a week. I am still adjusting, searching, learning, reading, and trying to find a balance. But I am excited and motivated. And guess what? I feel fabulous. And guess what else? I've lost 3 pounds this week. Bonus.